I'll cry it out..this too shall pass..

it's been almost a year since we met on FB...it was a great start since I've noticed that we like a lot of things alike and he's a very sensible person to talk to. That time we were both "heart broken" and the talks and chats we had helped us both in finding our individual smiles..then i found myself smiling because of him..I long to talk to him..see him on the webcam..hearing his voice.. Too bad on my part I may have become very pushy and I started demanding for his time which I know was wrong but I can't help it..He was like already a habit..a part of my day..like the air I breathe.. Things had become rocky and we stopped talking and getting in touch for a while though we still exchange status comments and wall posts on Facebook. I knew what I was starting to feel then is a dead end..would go nowhere.

So I deleted him on Facebook, I said to myself there's no way I'm gonna let myself fall and be broken again because of someone whose very far from me and I know I'll never get to see in person...days and weeks past..Then came my birthday..there was a promise from him..a promise I never thought he would fulfill..The next day, my phone rang and an unfamiliar number displayed..I answered the phone and to my surprise..with the blissful feeling.I heard his voice..His voice through a phone call was the only thing I asked of him as a gift and and he kept his promise.. we talked for roughly 20 minutes but it felt like his voice resonating on my ears..and my heart..I was so happy then and I had to add him back to FB and we started talking again..Not as much as before..but it was enough for me..I said to myself..no to expectations anymore..we're friends and that's all we could ever be..

For the next few weeks, everything was fine..I stay addicted to facebook and had ocassional chats with other people..even with another guy named Chris. I just let him be with his life. One day I received a message on Facebook from him..it was 5am in the morning when I read the message on my phone..he was apologetic and asking for understanding..he met this girl whom he likes so much..and they're dating already..he was worried that I would get jealous and would think that because of him dating again and being happy again because of a girl would make me feel alone again..I only said.. "i'm happy for you"....

That time..am I really happy for him? yes I was happy for him..part of my prayers is for him to be happy and have a girl who would find how great of a man he is..but inside me is a girl, screaming so loud because of pain..a pain nobody would want to feel..just like the how a song says..it stabbed like a thousand knives in my heart..but I have to keep it to myself, cried myself to sleep for weeks then..every after we talked about her and how happy he is with her..but as a good friend..I have to make him feel I'm there to listen and I'm there to support his happiness..

Again weeks past, we've been busy..the pain subsided..I had bought my own computer and had my own Internet connection in my house thus giving me more time to be in front of the computer and talk to other people as well to him. His relationship with this girl had become rocky and unstable and of course like any good friend..I stayed with him...listened to his rants..felt his pain..

I started to get his attention again and we had more talks than ever before..I shared laughs and tears thru Skype, "just like the old times"... I looked forward to speaking, chatting and hearing him again. It felt like he's really close..I assured me he's always there for me when I cry..he told me he loves me..

It felt like heaven..I knew I loved me and I am important to him..but as a friend..but regardless...it made my heart scream for joy and put everyday smiles on my face..

Now at this moment..I'm feeling pain again..this stressful life we both have takes toll to our relationship..we haven't talked in a while..It seems like he's avoiding me but he said he just wanted to be alone...why do you wanna be alone? do you really wanna be alone or you just don't wanna talk to me or see me..it hurts..i felt this before..because of you..but here I go again..do I ever learn?

I wish I could ignore you or forget about you as easily as you've done with me...it's just not fair and I don't know why I care...I don't know what tomorrow would bring us both..I just really pray and hope that I don't have a frail heart..I get hurt every time and I never learn from all the heartaches...if this would be the end of everything..even our friendship..so be it..I'll cry it out..this too shall pass..